When a noise outside our front door sets all three boys on a barking spree, Oscar is the only one who runs to me, and with his paws on my knees, looks up and softly whimpers: “Mom, there’s a noise outside. Can’t you hear it? It’s scary! Mo-om!”

He takes every chance he can to sit next to me on the couch, and lays his head on my chest and looks up into my eyes.

When I’m out of town on business, Oscar is the most miserable. He sulks and stares at the door, hoping I’ll walk in.

He just can’t get enough of me. I am the end all, be all of his existence.

This is my one word for 2012.

It’s from one of my favorite Psalms, the 126th one. The verse that I love the most is the first:

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed.

I’ve been in such a dark and lonely valley for the most part of 2011, but I know that right beside me, my Savior stays and holds me by me right hand, and tells me constantly of His fierce, passionate love for me, even when I refuse to hear Him.

It’s been so dark that I’ve forgotten how to dream.

That’s what I’m looking forward to in 2012. Being restored.

How about you?

on airport shuttle to get my daughter!!!—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 13, 2007

Just landed in Orlando! In one piece! Hehe. Missing people but excited to see mom.—
Kyera Legaspi (@kyerabee) November 13, 2007

i felt like i gave birth again. only this time she's 17 and i didn't have to wait 9 months! i looove her sooo much.—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 14, 2007

falling into a deep and blissful sleep for the first time in 8 weeks.—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 14, 2007

I digress.

This Christmas on Christmas Eve celebrating is deeply rooted in Philippine culture and follows most Filipinos wherever in the world they go. I personally don’t necessarily feel the need to do this but I will never say no to food and hanging out with people, so since moving back to the US in 2007, Kyera and I have spent Christmas the Filipino way.

In 2007, we were in Orlando with our pastors from Victory and their families, the Magpantays and the Duques, at the Magpantay’s home. The following year we did the same thing but at the Duque’s.

In 2009, our first Christmas in Nashville, the Daswani’s had us over. I’ve known them since 1993 when I first started attending Victory.

Since 2010, we’ve been hosted by the Tabelismas. One of the most generous families I know. Their home is party central for many of our Filipino gatherings. And yes, they have Karaoke!

We do pot luck and sign up to bring a dish, or in our case, we have dibs on a dessert or drinks. The food is a mixture of Filipino and American favorites.

As soon as all the families have arrived, we give thanks for each other and for the food.

And we smile a lot because we’re so excited to eat and hang out!

This year, our hosts took the festivities up a notch and put together a program. After dinner, Malou handed out strips of paper we were forbidden from opening. We then gathered in the living room, watched the Story of How Candy Canes Got Their Stripes, and then one by one, we unfolded our strips of paper and read our questions out loud.

Mine said: “What is your favorite Christmas food?” “Deviled eggs!”

After everyone read their questions and shared their answers, we then played a nameless game I’ll call “Roll and Grab.” Each person was given the chance to roll a pair of dice and if they rolled a seven or a double, they had to put on a pair of gloves and try to unwrap one of a number of gifts. The dice, though, rapidly made its way around the room, so with each seven and double rolled, the next person jumped up and tore the gloves off of the person unwrapping, grabbed the gift from their hands, and continued unwrapping the mystery gift.

There was no such thing as old or young. The glove grabbing and gift unwrapping was borderline aggressive. Hilarious! And then we played “Dirty Santa” minus the mean gifts that we hand out at our office Christmas party…

At the end of the game, gift bartering took place so everyone who played got to go home with something they actually liked. No plungers with Lysol at this Dirty Santa game!

No Filipino party is complete without lots of picture taking.

And lots of dancing or singing or both. This year, we let the Karaoke rest and just danced.

Kyera and I finally headed home at two in the morning — with two trays of leftovers — to open our secret gifts to each other. Since we already gave each other our big gifts, I decided to set a ten dollar budget for us to give each other a secret gift which we ended up buying together but separately and sneakily at Target.

“I’m checking out! Don’t go near line eight!”

Opening one gift on Christmas Eve is a tradition I’ve had since I was a kid and the one thing I’ve handed down to Kyera.

She cheated and got me something worth more than $10: a jar of night creme I’ve been eyeing! I got her a pair of fuzzy, hot pink slippers she wasn’t able to guess.

It was a really good Christmas. One that will definitely be remembered as the one with the gift grabbing and the dancing around midnight.

And love. Lots of love.

The plan was: Buy tall-ish live tree outside the Walmart on Nolensville, buy lights from inside Walmart, and head home to make an event out of tree decorating. We were even planning on getting more decorations since the ones we had were barely enough to cover our five-foot tall Kmart-bought plastic tree with built-in lights.

That was the plan.

So after Christmas 2010, our faithful little two-year old Chinese tree was returned to its box for good — taped up, and then brought to a drive-thru Goodwill Drop Off.

And then life happened this year. Hospital trips both emergency and elective came along with the loss of my part-time job, and we’ve been pinching pennies and making budget cuts since the end of August.

While I was at our organization’s Winter Conference, Kyera sent me a text message:

“Where’s our tree? I was going to put it up but it’s not in our storage.”
“Are you sure? Did we donate it? I can’t remember.”
“Oh right! LOL. We did!”

Up until yesterday, I kept thinking about getting a tree. Definitely not a live one because they’re expensive, but a Chinese one bought from The Man. A five-foot tall tree is $80 now, fifty percent off, at Target, but I just couldn’t bring myself to spend that much on a tree when that money could and should go to groceries. When your priorities are down to food, clothing, shelter, and medical bills, there’s absolutely no room for “Christmas Tree” in the budget. Or clothing for that matter. Food and shelter is far more important. And paying medical bills.

Kyera is such a trooper to not mind us not having a tree. It doesn’t bother me either. But I did put up our gorgeous Martha Stewart wreath so people driving by our house wouldn’t think we weren’t celebrating Christmas. (Albeit it’s not your traditional wreath…)

Don’t get me wrong. We’re not starving and we did splurge on each other’s Christmas gifts. Kyera got a Clarisonic and I got a Kindle Fire. We are grateful that we were able to do this for each other. Our lives since August may have been a rough ride, but it pales in comparison to the people of Mindanao who are now homeless and have lost so much. Or the homeless of Nashville. Or children who live in homes without heat, electricity, and running water. I simply cannot bring myself to complain or feel bad that we are celebrating Christmas without a tree.

I’m thankful for the roof over our heads, our three adorable boys (Fine, dogs.), our car, our friends, and our God who sent His Son to take on human flesh so that one day He could die for us.

Yes, I simply cannot bring myself to complain.

From us to you and yours, Merry Christmas. May yours be filled with as much love as ours.

My flight left an overcast, cloudy Nashville on Tuesday, pushing its way through thick, gray clouds until we found this view.

We landed in the dark around six at night. Too bad my iPad couldn’t take pictures of the beautiful lighted cityscapes of DC, Virginia, and Maryland.

Pastor Brett Fuller hosted the welcome reception for guests at Grace Covenant, and shared a brief message to open the conference. He preached out of Luke 1 from the account of Elizabeth becoming pregnant with John and how her husband Zechariah’s mouth was closed and prevented from speaking because of his doubt. In a nutshell, Pastor Brett’s message was about the power of our speech and how we need to watch what we confess. God allowed Zechariah to be mute for a season because his speech would have been negative and doubt-filled.

It was a good reminder to speak faith over a situation, i.e. from Paul, “pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.”

The following morning, guests boarded two buses for Mount Vernon for a tour of George Washington’s estate.

I skipped the evening trip to Ford’s Theater for A Christmas Carol because I didn’t have a ticket, and ended up having dinner instead with new friends from one of our Every Nation churches in Memphis. This is who I got to know well that evening at Eggspectations — Pumpkin Roll.

It called my name from behind the cold glass.

We had more free time the following day after the morning session and before the Christmas party, so my new friends, Ariel and Rose Untal, and I headed to downtown DC for a quick look at the sites. We didn’t see much. Roads were blocked for a Christmas tree lighting ceremony and a World AIDS Day program, but I did get a photo of some building.

As soon as I get a hold of all the audio from the Winter Conference, I’ll have them posted on our podcast site.

It may not have been an exotic location but I’m so thankful for the break in my routine. And while it was for work and not play, I love being able to spend time with our pastors and missionaries.

Thank you, 2011, for your ups and downs, so far:

It only makes sense that I start my list with my hospital stay on my birthday! Kyera and I were in Orlando for Every Nation’s 2011 North American Conference, Dream, at Disney World when I landed in the ER with severe stomach pain. Our human resources director, Carolyn Foster, was my nurse/nanny/confidant/cheerleader for three days, giving up her time with her family, and missing out on almost all of the conference sessions because of me and my diverticulitis. Everyone needs a Carolyn in their life.

Carolyn Foster

And then of course, there’s Valerie Lancaster, our resident Woo, Missionary Care coordinator, and dear friend. She selflessly drove a rental car back and forth to the hospital so Kyera could see me, and so that I could eat Chikin when I was released. Val is one of a few that I consider a Tita to Kyera.

Valerie Lancaster

My work toys are definitely on this list. Because I work in communications, I need to communicate, so in order for me to be the most communicative at what I do, I get to use an iPad 32 GB 3G and a MacBook Air for work. I could never afford these on my own, so it’s a huge privilege that I’m entrusted with such cool tools to help me do my best. Tools that if one day I were to leave behind for another job, I confess I would sorely miss. (And the entire staff, of course!)

iPad 2

The iPad came just in time for me to bring it to my first Campus Harvest in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina in March. (My boss, Bill Lloyd, ordered it at 3am when Apple started selling them online. Thanks, Bill!) It reminded me of a Friday or Saturday night youth/college service in Manila! The music was loud and the students were passionate about God. The Saturday night worship reminded me how madly in love God is with me. I was refreshed as I sang along with 2,500 students at the top of our voices.

Our Bethel churches in Brentwood and Franklin. They’re my church family and a constant reminder of the importance of being part of a local church. There’s nothing like sharing lives and doing life together with others who also want to know Jesus more.

I’m so thankful for my job! I love doing what I do and who I get to do it with and for! This year, I was given opportunities to share my passion for the social spaces with church planters and with the Nashville office staff. The office allowed me to implement my crazy idea of hosting a Friday afternoon hangout cum town hall called The Social, where we get to eat treats and hear updates about our pastors and missionaries. I’m so blessed to be allowed to think outside the box and color outside the lines!

Don’t laugh but Facebook and Twitter have made it to this list. Facebook keeps me tethered to Manila, the city where I became a teenager, a famous morning show host, and an occasional actress. Twitter keeps me informed and connected to people who I share interests with. Even though I’ve been on Twitter since 2007, each year just keeps gets better and better.

@thelmabowlen @kyerabee I'm pretty impressed with it. I never thought about origami so mathematically before.—
Melissa Pierce (@melissapierce) November 21, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm thankful for the Minguses for adopting us today! Single mom families are so blessed to be thought of. —
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 24, 2011

I can’t thank God enough for Kyera. As she continues to come into her own and get comfortable in her own womanhood, I admire the person she is becoming. Being the only child of a single mom, she is familiar with tough times, including being homeless for six months. She’s generously contributing to our household expenses sacrificially, something not every twenty-one year old would do easily or happily. She inspires me to be a better mom, person, Christian.

My Kyera

Of course, my utmost gratitude goes to God for allowing me to breathe and wake up every day. May I never take this life He’s given me for granted! My only hope as you read this blog is that you may get to know His Son, Jesus Christ, even a little through my faith. I’m not a theologian, nor do I have any answers to life’s thought-provoking questions, but what I do know is that my life was once a fear-filled mess until He found me. Since trusting Him and surrendering my life to him in August 1991, life’s been an adventure that I wouldn’t change anything about.

What are you thankful for in 2011?

There’s the 1 percent who stand with the 99 percent, America’s wealthiest who believe in wealth redistribution and higher taxes on the rich, and then there’s the 53%, the ones who work long hours and stay away from debt who say the issue on Wall Street is an issue of personal responsibility.

Yesterday on CBS News Sunday Morning, they did a report on America’s “new poor.” Their focus: an upscale county near Atlanta where jobs have been lost, savings are gone, and lavish homes are now in, or on their way, to foreclosure.

“The new poor could be you, me, your neighbor, your church member, somebody who has been affected by the economy,” said Sandy Beaver of The Place, a nonprofit for social services in Forsyth County. “Many of our people who have come for assistance used to be our donors. And they’ll say, ‘I never thought I’d have to do this, never in my wildest dreams.’”

The statistic that resonated with me the most in the report was the part about one in six Americans having trouble putting food on the table. One in six. That’s 49 million people. When you think about it, most Americans are closer to being one of those one in six if their households lost a paycheck.

Kyera and I are not there but our twelve medical bills and my credit card debt put us close to it. Since losing my second job in August — and as each medical bill started making its way to our front door — Kyera and I have had to make lifestyle adjustments: less trips to save on gas, no more shopping for anything other than groceries, cheaper dog food for our boys, no more coffee runs at Starbucks or McDonald’s, good-bye eating out. The list goes on. And they’re good changes. Don’t get me wrong.

I had a really dark day last week. You know the kind where no amount of Hillsongs or Beth Moore prayer books seem to work?

Am I being punished, God?

I feel like I’m at my rope’s end, Father.

We’re having noodles. Again.

I couldn’t seem to shake it. And then on the news (I watch a lot of news programs!): MF Global terminates 1,066 of its employees without severance. I teared up, thinking about all those people and their families and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I felt ashamed of myself.

I repented and asked God to fully occupy every nook and cranny of my whiney, ungrateful heart. I asked God to occupy every space that’s not surrendered to Him so that He’d push out the self-centeredness, and replace this with gratitude. I asked God to remind me that He owes me nothing, that His ways are higher than mine, that His Grace is sufficient.

I asked God to make my life look like it’s supposed to: Occupied by His Mercy and overflowing with His Love.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13, New International Version

May I come out of this season wiser about money, stronger in my faith, and… maybe a couple of pounds lighter.