God is good and sees your situation. Take comfort. He knows.

“You are the God who sees me, ” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13

It was fear of the future and the unknown that pushed me into a relationship with my Lord and Savior. The Gulf War had broken out, and I was deathly afraid of the future. I think becoming a parent made me fearful. “What kind of world would my daughter grow up in?” constantly raced through my mind and kept me up at night.

One Fateful Afternoon

One afternoon, my boss at the radio station I was working at called me into his office and asked me two questions that changed the course of the rest of my life — “If you were to die today, where do you think you would go?” and “If you were to stand at the gate of heaven and God were to ask you why He should let you into His heaven, what would you say?”.

We spent an entire afternoon with me asking my boss question after question about Jesus, the far from perfect born again friends I knew, and where I would spend eternity. Three hours later, I knew that salvation was something I needed and asked my boss in between tears, “Where do I sign on the dotted line?” I left the station that day with a silly grin on my face and a warm fuzzy feeling all over my body. I was loved truly, madly, deeply to the point of death by Someone who paid the price I never could, my fear of the big scary unknown future, gone.

That was almost twenty-one years ago, and it wasn’t my first encounter with a Jesus freak telling me I was a sinner who needed salvation. It was probably my fourth. Or quite possibly my twelfth, including the times when as a child I went to Sunday school at my dad’s Protestant church at Easter. I was seventeen when I clearly remember being told about Adam and Eve and the fall of man and God’s plan for redemption. Seventeen and afraid I was pregnant. I wasn’t so my revelation of salvation was only a temporary solution.

Surrounded by College Students

I got to travel to Raleigh-Durham to cover and attend Campus Harvest, our annual student conference. This year, Campus Harvest expanded to Austin and LA but Jay, our videographer, and I were only sent to the conference’s home base. It was my second time in Raleigh-Durham for Campus Harvest, and I must confess it’s my favorite Every Nation conference.

(I must’ve looked out of place sitting next to people half my age. I’m always told I don’t look like I’m in my forties but throw me in a group of college students, and they can tell I’m not one of them! Ego. Shot.)

My favorite part of Campus Harvest is worshiping God with the students. They have no hang ups and are unashamed to jump and dance. It’s refreshing. The one thing that kept coming to my mind over the two day conference was: more college students need to go to a Campus Harvest, even once.

I kept wondering if I had been to a Campus Harvest-like conference when I was in college, would I have dropped out pregnant at nineteen? Or would I have encountered a God who would have given me purpose beyond my sex, drugs, and rock and roll lifestyle? Would I have surrendered my life to Jesus? Or would it be the first of several conferences that would bring me closer and closer to a revelation of God?

I’ll never know.

The one thing I do hope for is that more and more young adults will be statistics like me when faced with questions of where they will spend eternity. May I one day be an old lady in the rafters of King’s Park International Church, watching heaven touch earth and thousands of young lives at Campus Harvest who will know the answer to the question, “If you were to die today, where do you think you would go?”

Drove a 21' truck with a 15' trailer more than 800 miles, 650 of which in the rain, to Nashville. Exhausted, stoked, grateful, speechless.—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) April 03, 2009

The Grace and Mercy Nightmare

Now that enough time and space has elapsed since Orlando, I’m comfortable now candidly describing what life was really like for us in Florida. It was a nightmare. Yes, you read that right. It. Was. A. Nightmare.

A Grace-filled, Mercy-marked nightmare to be exact wherein the highs were high and the lows were low.

When I landed in September 2007, I had a job waiting for me at our DC church. I changed my mind and had to say no to the job because my priority was getting Kyera to the US. I ended up with my best friends Michael and Janet in Tallahassee and found part-time work doing housekeeping at Governor’s Square mall for a season. I ate lots of humble pie as I scrubbed toilets and cleaned tables at the food court. (Mean teenagers would spread ketchup all over the tables!)

Joey, the Club Concierge

A job interview in Orlando led me to reconnecting with an aunt and a season under her roof while I didn’t get the job I interviewed for and remained unemployed for four months. I cannot thank her enough! (I passed the time attending free classes at the Orlando Public Libraries where I got to brush up on everything from MS Excel to Photoshop.) I finally got a job as a club concierge at Loews Hotel the Royal Pacific Resort, followed by a promotion at a sister property and a subsequent demotion. (The staff of twenty-somethings hated me and made sure I knew it. They made my life hell. Humble pie, again.)

My aunt had remarried at this point so K and I had to find our own place to live. Thank God for Section 8 Housing! The downside though of living in financially-assisted apartments is the type of neighborhood where they’re typically located. Our humble abode was in the heart of Orlando’s infamous, always-in-the-news streets —  Americana Blvd, Texas Ave and Orange Blossom Trail (OBT, to locals.). I would pray hard on nights I worked the afternoon shift as I got off the bus past 11pm and walked alone on the dark streets where people were held up and even stabbed.

But there’s no safer place to be than in the center of God’s will, so I put my complete trust in Him each step I took along the two barely lit blocks I walked.

It was tough though. If not for Kyera getting part-time work, we would not have made it. Dollar Menu items at fast food chains became our staple, along with hotdogs and rice/bread for dinner every night when my hours at the hotel got reduced from forty to twenty-four per week. Our Filipino friends probably don’t realize how much we appreciated getting invited for dinner and being sent home with leftovers. It was such a huge treat for us!

One of our biggest highs which we’re profoundly grateful to my former boss, Edwin, for is getting Rocco. Our Yorkie brought us so much joy in the midst of our sadness and despair when we felt things would never change for us.

When police cars would show up at our apartment complex after shouting matches and the sound of flesh hitting flesh, we’d huddle together — Kyera, me, and Rocco — and pray that God would keep us safe by sending angels to stand guard outside our door.

It was Rocco who kept either of us company when one of us was out working. He rode in our Lumina perched on the armrest as Kyera drove me to work at 5:15am and acted as her three-pound bodyguard as she returned home and hurried back in the dark to our apartment. Rocco was our rock.

Thelma, the Communications Coordinator

And then Nashville happened. It was completely unexpected. Three years ago, out of the blue, my former boss sent me a message on Multiply to say that there might be an opening in Nashville for me. I detail that miracle in this post.

Re-reading that entry on my other blog reminded me of God’s faithfulness to me despite my whining and complaining and doubting. I’m in a job I’m madly in love with, in a city I’m happy to call home, in a home I never imagined I would own. I have no reason to gripe at all about anything ever again. But I still manage to. Sigh.

But like I said on “Exits and Entrances”:

We truly, never deserve the goodness He lavishes. Everything is icing on the cake of His Mercy.

What adventures has God got you on or brought you through?

When a noise outside our front door sets all three boys on a barking spree, Oscar is the only one who runs to me, and with his paws on my knees, looks up and softly whimpers: “Mom, there’s a noise outside. Can’t you hear it? It’s scary! Mo-om!”

He takes every chance he can to sit next to me on the couch, and lays his head on my chest and looks up into my eyes.

When I’m out of town on business, Oscar is the most miserable. He sulks and stares at the door, hoping I’ll walk in.

He just can’t get enough of me. I am the end all, be all of his existence.

This is my one word for 2012.

It’s from one of my favorite Psalms, the 126th one. The verse that I love the most is the first:

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed.

I’ve been in such a dark and lonely valley for the most part of 2011, but I know that right beside me, my Savior stays and holds me by me right hand, and tells me constantly of His fierce, passionate love for me, even when I refuse to hear Him.

It’s been so dark that I’ve forgotten how to dream.

That’s what I’m looking forward to in 2012. Being restored.

How about you?

on airport shuttle to get my daughter!!!—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 13, 2007

Just landed in Orlando! In one piece! Hehe. Missing people but excited to see mom.—
Kyera Legaspi (@kyerabee) November 13, 2007

i felt like i gave birth again. only this time she's 17 and i didn't have to wait 9 months! i looove her sooo much.—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 14, 2007

falling into a deep and blissful sleep for the first time in 8 weeks.—
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 14, 2007

The plan was: Buy tall-ish live tree outside the Walmart on Nolensville, buy lights from inside Walmart, and head home to make an event out of tree decorating. We were even planning on getting more decorations since the ones we had were barely enough to cover our five-foot tall Kmart-bought plastic tree with built-in lights.

That was the plan.

So after Christmas 2010, our faithful little two-year old Chinese tree was returned to its box for good — taped up, and then brought to a drive-thru Goodwill Drop Off.

And then life happened this year. Hospital trips both emergency and elective came along with the loss of my part-time job, and we’ve been pinching pennies and making budget cuts since the end of August.

While I was at our organization’s Winter Conference, Kyera sent me a text message:

“Where’s our tree? I was going to put it up but it’s not in our storage.”
“Are you sure? Did we donate it? I can’t remember.”
“Oh right! LOL. We did!”

Up until yesterday, I kept thinking about getting a tree. Definitely not a live one because they’re expensive, but a Chinese one bought from The Man. A five-foot tall tree is $80 now, fifty percent off, at Target, but I just couldn’t bring myself to spend that much on a tree when that money could and should go to groceries. When your priorities are down to food, clothing, shelter, and medical bills, there’s absolutely no room for “Christmas Tree” in the budget. Or clothing for that matter. Food and shelter is far more important. And paying medical bills.

Kyera is such a trooper to not mind us not having a tree. It doesn’t bother me either. But I did put up our gorgeous Martha Stewart wreath so people driving by our house wouldn’t think we weren’t celebrating Christmas. (Albeit it’s not your traditional wreath…)

Don’t get me wrong. We’re not starving and we did splurge on each other’s Christmas gifts. Kyera got a Clarisonic and I got a Kindle Fire. We are grateful that we were able to do this for each other. Our lives since August may have been a rough ride, but it pales in comparison to the people of Mindanao who are now homeless and have lost so much. Or the homeless of Nashville. Or children who live in homes without heat, electricity, and running water. I simply cannot bring myself to complain or feel bad that we are celebrating Christmas without a tree.

I’m thankful for the roof over our heads, our three adorable boys (Fine, dogs.), our car, our friends, and our God who sent His Son to take on human flesh so that one day He could die for us.

Yes, I simply cannot bring myself to complain.

From us to you and yours, Merry Christmas. May yours be filled with as much love as ours.

Thank you, 2011, for your ups and downs, so far:

It only makes sense that I start my list with my hospital stay on my birthday! Kyera and I were in Orlando for Every Nation’s 2011 North American Conference, Dream, at Disney World when I landed in the ER with severe stomach pain. Our human resources director, Carolyn Foster, was my nurse/nanny/confidant/cheerleader for three days, giving up her time with her family, and missing out on almost all of the conference sessions because of me and my diverticulitis. Everyone needs a Carolyn in their life.

Carolyn Foster

And then of course, there’s Valerie Lancaster, our resident Woo, Missionary Care coordinator, and dear friend. She selflessly drove a rental car back and forth to the hospital so Kyera could see me, and so that I could eat Chikin when I was released. Val is one of a few that I consider a Tita to Kyera.

Valerie Lancaster

My work toys are definitely on this list. Because I work in communications, I need to communicate, so in order for me to be the most communicative at what I do, I get to use an iPad 32 GB 3G and a MacBook Air for work. I could never afford these on my own, so it’s a huge privilege that I’m entrusted with such cool tools to help me do my best. Tools that if one day I were to leave behind for another job, I confess I would sorely miss. (And the entire staff, of course!)

iPad 2

The iPad came just in time for me to bring it to my first Campus Harvest in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina in March. (My boss, Bill Lloyd, ordered it at 3am when Apple started selling them online. Thanks, Bill!) It reminded me of a Friday or Saturday night youth/college service in Manila! The music was loud and the students were passionate about God. The Saturday night worship reminded me how madly in love God is with me. I was refreshed as I sang along with 2,500 students at the top of our voices.

Our Bethel churches in Brentwood and Franklin. They’re my church family and a constant reminder of the importance of being part of a local church. There’s nothing like sharing lives and doing life together with others who also want to know Jesus more.

I’m so thankful for my job! I love doing what I do and who I get to do it with and for! This year, I was given opportunities to share my passion for the social spaces with church planters and with the Nashville office staff. The office allowed me to implement my crazy idea of hosting a Friday afternoon hangout cum town hall called The Social, where we get to eat treats and hear updates about our pastors and missionaries. I’m so blessed to be allowed to think outside the box and color outside the lines!

Don’t laugh but Facebook and Twitter have made it to this list. Facebook keeps me tethered to Manila, the city where I became a teenager, a famous morning show host, and an occasional actress. Twitter keeps me informed and connected to people who I share interests with. Even though I’ve been on Twitter since 2007, each year just keeps gets better and better.

@thelmabowlen @kyerabee I'm pretty impressed with it. I never thought about origami so mathematically before.—
Melissa Pierce (@melissapierce) November 21, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm thankful for the Minguses for adopting us today! Single mom families are so blessed to be thought of. —
Thelma Bowlen (@thelmabowlen) November 24, 2011

I can’t thank God enough for Kyera. As she continues to come into her own and get comfortable in her own womanhood, I admire the person she is becoming. Being the only child of a single mom, she is familiar with tough times, including being homeless for six months. She’s generously contributing to our household expenses sacrificially, something not every twenty-one year old would do easily or happily. She inspires me to be a better mom, person, Christian.

My Kyera

Of course, my utmost gratitude goes to God for allowing me to breathe and wake up every day. May I never take this life He’s given me for granted! My only hope as you read this blog is that you may get to know His Son, Jesus Christ, even a little through my faith. I’m not a theologian, nor do I have any answers to life’s thought-provoking questions, but what I do know is that my life was once a fear-filled mess until He found me. Since trusting Him and surrendering my life to him in August 1991, life’s been an adventure that I wouldn’t change anything about.

What are you thankful for in 2011?

There’s the 1 percent who stand with the 99 percent, America’s wealthiest who believe in wealth redistribution and higher taxes on the rich, and then there’s the 53%, the ones who work long hours and stay away from debt who say the issue on Wall Street is an issue of personal responsibility.

Yesterday on CBS News Sunday Morning, they did a report on America’s “new poor.” Their focus: an upscale county near Atlanta where jobs have been lost, savings are gone, and lavish homes are now in, or on their way, to foreclosure.

“The new poor could be you, me, your neighbor, your church member, somebody who has been affected by the economy,” said Sandy Beaver of The Place, a nonprofit for social services in Forsyth County. “Many of our people who have come for assistance used to be our donors. And they’ll say, ‘I never thought I’d have to do this, never in my wildest dreams.’”

The statistic that resonated with me the most in the report was the part about one in six Americans having trouble putting food on the table. One in six. That’s 49 million people. When you think about it, most Americans are closer to being one of those one in six if their households lost a paycheck.

Kyera and I are not there but our twelve medical bills and my credit card debt put us close to it. Since losing my second job in August — and as each medical bill started making its way to our front door — Kyera and I have had to make lifestyle adjustments: less trips to save on gas, no more shopping for anything other than groceries, cheaper dog food for our boys, no more coffee runs at Starbucks or McDonald’s, good-bye eating out. The list goes on. And they’re good changes. Don’t get me wrong.

I had a really dark day last week. You know the kind where no amount of Hillsongs or Beth Moore prayer books seem to work?

Am I being punished, God?

I feel like I’m at my rope’s end, Father.

We’re having noodles. Again.

I couldn’t seem to shake it. And then on the news (I watch a lot of news programs!): MF Global terminates 1,066 of its employees without severance. I teared up, thinking about all those people and their families and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I felt ashamed of myself.

I repented and asked God to fully occupy every nook and cranny of my whiney, ungrateful heart. I asked God to occupy every space that’s not surrendered to Him so that He’d push out the self-centeredness, and replace this with gratitude. I asked God to remind me that He owes me nothing, that His ways are higher than mine, that His Grace is sufficient.

I asked God to make my life look like it’s supposed to: Occupied by His Mercy and overflowing with His Love.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13, New International Version

May I come out of this season wiser about money, stronger in my faith, and… maybe a couple of pounds lighter.

They’re both good reminders of Who I belong to.

You have the power right now to live a joy-filled, faith-filled, peace-filled life. But u need this mindset, “God, I’m totally trusting You”—
Joel Osteen (@JoelOsteen) October 26, 2011

Friend, no matter what your circumstances may look like today, God’s plan is to bring you through to a place of abundance..—
Kimberly Jones (@RealTalkKim) October 26, 2011

Have you come across anything that’s lifted your spirit lately?