Kyera waiting in the holding area before her outpatient surgery.

“I’m equal parts afraid and excited…” Kyera said to Rob the day before her scheduled surgery to remove her preauricular cyst. (She has me to thank for passing on my gene to her. You’re welcome, love.) “That’s what faith feels like,” he replied. “It’s like you’re standing on the edge and you know something is about to happen and you don’t know what other than that God is gonna be there.”

So true.

The surgery went well and I now have another medical bill that needs paying off. I guess you could say I’m back on the edge myself, equal parts afraid and excited, how God is going to come through this time. It’s not a first in the life of a single mom where money is tight.

Today was the official end of one of my part-time freelance contracts so the thought of applying for a part-time job somewhere that involves coffee, shoes, purses, or clothes, beckons. Wait. I don’t think I could work around shoes, purses, or clothes, or I would end up in a bigger hole.

I resist. For now at least. I know my body needs me to rest.

I fully expect that God is going to show up like He has countless times in the past. He’s pulled us through before:

1. The time my mother died and we ended up moving almost twelve times in a decade;
2. The time we were on the verge of being homeless and a friend offered to take us in for as long as we needed;
3. The time we were apart for eight weeks unsure of when we would see each other again.

Only His grace helped us grieve, His provision brought more than expected, His peace kept me sane.

I have wealthy friends whose lives I confess I’ve envied. One had rich parents who generously, constantly came to her rescue; another one married into a rich family; another is very successful in her career and makes six figures. As I bring each woman to mind, God is showing me what’s so desperately wrong with myself: my jealousy has nothing to do with them but everything to do with Him.

He is my Father and He owns everything and I need to trust Him.

I don’t deserve His kindness and mercy and yet there He is, waiting for me to run into His arms and sit still.

My life story is less about me and my struggles as a single mom and more about God, my Husband, my Maker, my Provider, my Healer, my Creator. And so much more.

The nightly news reminds me how little I have to complain about. In the aftermath of Hurricane Irene, countless families in Vermont have lost everything. Entire homes were destroyed leaving people asking, “How do we begin again?”

Kyera’s ear is healing. I’m on the mend. God is good. There really is no drama. Just healthy fear and joyful excitement on the edge.

Time to step over.