The Pseudo Expat

All 7 lbs, 19 inches of Kyera 2 days after she was born.

Just had to borrow the title of one my favorite Rush songs. Geddy Lee sings about the swift passage of time and how important it is to savor each moment in Time Stand Still.

(Time stand still)
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Time stand still
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger

I’ve been pensive this year. I’ll talk about what’s going on in my head in my next posts but the larger part of my silence is processing the fact that Kyera is no longer a teenager. I find myself crossing my fingers more and praying more earnestly for her to make wise choices in every area of her life — spiritual, financial, emotional, physical, relational choices that will affect the rest of her life. (What does one understand of the “rest of their life” at 20?) In the same breath, I wonder if I’ve done a good job of raising her all by myself; if my many mistakes and shortcomings that she witnessed will help her make far less in her life.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that my child is her own person and that she will make her own choices with or without my advice. I’m letting go basically and sitting on the sidelines, holding my breath, letting out an occasional sigh, cheering her on enthusiastically, bending my knees that she will always do the right thing in God’s eyes.

I think this is why God gave me only one child. I don’t think I would have been emotionally capable of more!

Then again, more would have meant less devotion to the one and shared devotion with the rest. I don’t know, really. At this point, where I am a good four decades old, I am content and so grateful for all that God has allowed in my life. I’m humbled that He gave me such a beautiful, smart, talented human being to call my child.

I love you forever, bunny.

My widdle 20 year old baby.